My Desert

My Desert – photographer unknown

I am returning
Back, to my desert
Back, to my own space
To my internal silences
Where clouds do not linger
Over my head
Watching my every move
And, the long strands of time
Are spun out of sunrise and sunset
Spun out of expansion and contraction

Enchanted, unable to stay away
I am going back to where nothing
Except myself and my mission
Are reflected back from the empty earth
Where the blistering fire of sun consumes the day
And, even when I look away
Thirst consumes my whole soul
And, darkness is subsumed
By the hungry, hollow ground

The desert is just like I am
When you look underneath
There is nothing but hot, red dust
Wishing to be something else
Dry liquid, contradicting itself

If you come to my desert
You will be welcomed
But then, you should really move on
Because you will find
It is full of trapping
Energy zapping
Warping of minds
Commitment of all kinds

You may be unable to get away
Be charged with keeping the clouds at bay
Your dreams may be stolen
The way mine were
When I went astray
When I came to stay

You may become

As I am
The unwilling keeper
Of demons and doubts
Charged with the keys which keep
Secrets and faults
To underground prisons and hideous vaults

Someone entrusted to guard the nest
Gather the children and never rest
Watch the seeds
Keep track of deeds
Be one who hears
And, a witness who heeds

The world is full of poor souls
And, entities, unrepenting
Under the dust
Must, have been
Here since the Great Overturning
Nightmares burning
Sunk in the sand
Entities stranded
Without a hand
Without a footprint
Without a shadow
Rapacious, hiding everywhere
Running along the thick, dark
Underground veins of the earth
Along side smoking lizards
Shaking rattlesnakes
My breath takes
A long break
Nowhere ready to leave
Don’t even try to deceive
This is my reality
This is the battleground
This is the range
This is where the colors of the wind change
I am willing to be here
Because I know what is happening

The sounds of the shifting sands
Are summoning wheezing bones
Sacred whispers
Midnight moans
I am holding darkness apart from the light
I am a part of the fight
Refusing to let the demons out of my sight
Refusing to take flight
Infusing the circular altars with ire
Calling a liar a liar
Fighting to triumph in temples of fire

At dusk I will take off my sandals
Gratefully light my candles
And, yesterday’s Rembrandt glow
I know, will show
Neither the corners
Nor the center
Of the crystal ball
Running under the soft footfall
Running through the secret underground
Without a sound
Under the chapel
Through secret chambers
Smoldering embers
Over the prison of demons
Dancing with black-light scorpions
And, shaking the feathers of vultures
Desiring destructions of cultures
Their deeds restrained, herein contained, for eons
By wills and words
By spells and burning pentagrams

Demons cast out but never quelled
Disembodied and all the more dangerous for it
Thirsting for a being
Rapacious for a soul to do their bidding
Feeding on innocence
Swelling indolence and insolence

The moonlight is breaking
Untouched by spider webs
Merrily drunken on mescal
Jumping over jimson weed
Laughing at scorching sagebrush
Cold and heat
Refusing to retreat
Refusing to be concerned, at all
With our fall

We are being gathered up by gravity
Depravity, leeching, reaching
Screeching at the ashes of those already transformed
Still concerned with their return
Escaping the burn
Wanting to know
How does it go?
The invisible battle
Between the wills of conflicting gods?

I am concerned because of the here and now
And, the vast continuum of life
Which tries to forgive the silence of skeletons
The injuries of the past
Tries to out run the multi-colored lizards
The flying sun
The shadows of the flying birds
The thoughts of the shadows of the flying birds
The eloquence of the animated sky

The night, cloaked in cold
Is whispering under stars of steel
Stripping me down before the dawn
Teaching me how to compete
How to be complete
Without any movement
Without any breath
Companion to death
Keeping the watch fires without fear
I will give up possessions and aggressions
I will disconnect all my wires
I will discard all my attachments
And, disavow all my desires

Left with only my barest essentials
Only my entrails
Only raw survival
Only the vast, dry spaces
The lizard’s skin’s lacework places
Shimmering between cactus thorns
And, the sand dune’s moaning tunes

I will be spent
And, content
To inhale phantoms
Confused by collapsing sun spots
And, drifting dust devils
Driven by dreams
I will think in circles
Converse with mirages
Fall in love with visions
And, spend my time
Watching eyes that do not exist
Except in the instant
Of the thunder’s crash
The lightning’s flash
The sand storm’s slash

After I have given up, as well
All of my impatience
I will stand naked, empty and still
Waiting for the shadows to begin to move
For the stars to burn up the night
For the night to devour my sight
For the light to strike my spirit
When I am sighing
And, desperately trying
To remember the way the breezes used to feel
When I was still alive and real
My desert may give me the sudden illusion
I know what is going on

When the vortex of my mind
Aligns with the sky
It will realize
The universe doesn’t need me
Has no reason to feed me
Doesn’t know where to lead me

There are no roads to transverse here
In this desperate desert made of fear
Where I have tried to hide
Where I have sighed and cried
Where dreams have died and dried
And, mummified
Before the introduction of the sun
I already, now
Have come to know how
To hold down a demon
To take the wind out of the sky
To let the sky travel
To let it unravel
To weave it into a map
With the edge of the border left open
So, the gods can come and go

I know how to play the odds
I know how to follow the gods
I know how to speak to the 400 stars,
The 500 stars,
The 600 stars,
And, I think that one of them may even
Someday, answer me
May let me see
May set me free
May tell me why I am here
And, let me know how the battle is going


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